


Back to the Start

by FandomLife54



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic, Arthur Uses His Words, BAMF Gwen (Merlin), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Established Relationship, Fear, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, Maidservant!Gwen, Marriage Proposal, Memory Loss, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, References to Canon, The Crystal Caves, Witch Curses, arthur lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 21:18:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6300778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomLife54/pseuds/FandomLife54
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There is an ancient spell that can seal memories from a specific moment if the caster is aware of the exact date and time. If the spell and timing line up precisely, the victim will lose all memories from that date and so forth to the present. The caster also has the ability to amplify past memories and their emotions.” </p>
<p>“So the witches amplified Merlin’s past hatred for royalty?” Arthur questioned.</p>
<p>”I may not have known Merlin as a child but I don’t believe that boy has ever truly hated anything in his life.”</p>
<p>“Then why does he lash out so viciously? He’s clearly enraged at just the thought of us.” Arthur grimaced.</p>
<p>”Fear can also evoke anger and rejection.”</p>
<p>Or Merlin is cursed to forget everything since the day he first stepped foot in Camelot, his fear of royals and nobility spiraling him into violent fits of rage. Unaware of Arthur's true identity, the two set out for The Crystal Caves in hopes of restoring his memories. All Arthur has to do is make sure Merlin doesn't discover who he really is along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back to the Start

“Merlin!” Arthur cried, skidding and gracelessly stumbling down the steep hillside to where the pale man lay. Lush yet prodding bushes intercepted his quick scramble to break his fall but his cloak caught and tangled in their branches. He tugged impatiently once, twice, then shot his hands up to unlatch the darned thing off and continue towards his goal. “Merlin! Merlin?” Arthur asked as his knees slid along the grass. Ripping his gloves away, he cupped Merlin’s cheeks and felt the warmth radiating from them. “You’re alright.” he breathed, neck going lax and head bobbing. “You're ok. Come on, rise and shine.” He patted his face lightly to no response.

“Sire!” Sir Leon called, jerking back at the sudden dip at the hills edge. The young king turned to his knight, blinking for a moment as he registered the distance from the top of the hill to himself. Arthur’s eyes scanned the height of the drop; it could easily be considered a cliff yet he hadn’t noticed when he practically leapt off of it to get to Merlin’s aid. “I’ll fetch some rope and we’ll haul you up.” Leon started after the horses and Elyan, Lancelot, Gwaine, and Percival took his spot watching over the two from above.

“Oi, Princess, is Merlin alright?” Gwaine questioned dropping to his hands and knees to lean as far over the edge as he dared, straining his eyes to examine Merlin himself.

“Yes, I think so. There are no injuries on the surface that I can see besides a few scrapes he must have gotten when he fell. Whatever those witches blasted him with, it doesn’t appear to be physical. We should still take him to Gaius immediately, just to be sure.” Arthur resolved, brushing soft, black locks of hair out of Merlin’s face. “Did you manage to find their trail?”

“No. My apologies, my lord. The assassins used their magic to evade us and cover their escape. There was no trail to follow.” Elyan reported dismally.

“Perhaps it’s for the best. We’ll return to Camelot and start our search again once Gaius decides our warlock's well enough to ride.” Arthur smiled, gesturing to the unconscious man in front of him. The knights shared his smile, the tension of the situation easing a bit, and Leon returned with the rope. Lifting the lean man into his arms and cradling his head to his shoulder, Arthur walked over and tied the dangling rope around himself. He scaled the cliff one-handed, a sure grip on Merlin at all times. Lancelot and Gwaine reached over the edge to take Merlin from his hold as Percival held the rope steady, Elyan stretching out to heave his king to land. While Arthur patted his knights on their shoulders, grateful, a small groan slipped past Merlin’s lips.

“He’s waking up!” Lancelot beamed and shuffled closer to his friend. Merlin’s eyes peeked open, fluttering under the bright light of day, and Lancelot grinned down to him, subconsciously expecting one in return. Instead of grinning or even meeting his eyes, Merlin’s blurry vision focused on the gold dragon crest embroidered into his cloak. The thin warlock flailed backwards, dragging himself away from everyone’s confused and worried expressions. His fit of terror boiled into rage and he shot dirty glares at anyone who attempted to ease their way towards him.

“What the hell are you doing?” Merlin barked and Arthur let the untied rope slip from his hand. The king stepped forward noting how Merlin’s scowl darted to him instantly, ranking him head to toe in one glance. Whatever he saw seemed to pull back his defenses a bit. “Are you a knight?” he hesitated.

“What?”

“You’re not wearing a cloak bearing the Pendragon crest but you’re still wearing chainmail. Are. You. A knight?” Merlin demanded pointedly.

Arthur felt his stomach drop under the fierce sincerity in the question. Something was terribly wrong. “No. I’m the ki-”

“Good, I’ll speak to you then. Who are you people and how did I get here?” Arthur shut his eyes, clenching his fists to brace for the rough pounding of his heart. When he opened them again, ocean blue irises were staring back patiently, waiting for the apparent stranger to answer.

“You don’t remember falling from the cliff? My kni-, err, friends, knights of Camelot, and I rescued you.” Arthur informed him, watching the frown on his face deepen. “Is there something you have against knights?”

“According to the knight’s code, only men of noble blood can become a knight of Camelot.” Merlin paused to scan each and every one of their faces before turning back and looking Arthur dead in the eyes. “I hate royals and nobility.” he hissed. Arthur had to catch himself not to flinch back at the wrath burning in those orbs. They all stood silent for a moment, gaping at the drastic shift in their friend’s personality, then Gwaine hopped up, grinning wide.

“Well yes, we know that, Merlin. That’s why you like us.” Gwaine said coolly as he patted forward, ignoring the tension that rose in Merlin’s shoulders.

“How do you know my name?”

“Like I said, you like us. You know us, Merlin, we’re your friends.”

“I would never be friends with noblemen!” Merlin snapped and Arthur tried not to react outwardly at the harsh tone.

“But we’re not nobility.” Gwaine appeases in all seriousness. “It’s true!” he added when Merlin flung him an expression of annoyance and disbelief.

“Ever since King Arthur ascended the throne, men of any rank, including the measliest of peasants, have the chance to serve his majesty and the kingdom with the title of ‘Sir.’” Elyan defended.

“Arthur Pendragon? What happened to King Uther?” Merlin pondered skeptically.

“The King passed some years ago. Poisoned, sadly.” Leon recalled and hid a sympathetic glance to Arthur. “Since Prince Arthur became king, many souls have stepped up to protect our land as soldiers of Camelot, loyalty and bravery stronger than any king’s army past. His most trusted knights gather with him to consult with equal voices at what he calls the Round Table; the ban on magic has been revoked and peace was made with the druids; he has shown love and fairness to all his people.”

“Especially love for his servant.” Gwaine mumbled under his breath but Merlin didn’t hear him. Arthur did and glared daggers down with a slightly flushed face. The knights behind Gwaine quietly chuckled at Arthur’s rosy cheeks and then returned their attention to the sorcerer.

“You said I was your friend. Prove it. Tell me something I would only trust a friend to know.” Merlin insisted, his walls still holding strong.

“Easy, lad. You have magic.” Gwaine smirked and the wave of terror that twisted Merlin’s face had Gwaine nearly bursting out in laughter until he clasped his hand over his mouth. He removed it, unable to remotely contain his smile, and went on. “Sorry, mate, didn’t mean to scare you. Like I said, you trust us. And it’s alright that you hate royal prats. It’s not like any of us are nobility to take offense anyways right, men?” Gwaine flashed a look to everyone, eyeing Arthur and Leon a bit longer than the rest.

“Right..” Arthur muttered.

Merlin’s brows furrowed low and he couldn’t stop his insistent blinking as he tried to piece everything together. “No,” he said finally, shaking his head. “No, this can’t be true. None of it is, you’re lying. The Pendragons are monsters, all royals are! They’d never accept magic or anyone with it. And you lot- you all work for him. This is a trap. I must have revealed myself and the king’s sent his knights to kill me or capture me to be burned or hanged or both- I don’t know! But just stay away- stay away from me!” Merlin threatened, hands positioned to unleash his magic. Everyone took a step back and the warlock held himself like he would take off running any second and never look back. Arthur couldn’t let that happen.

“Wait! What if you talk to Gaius?” Arthur offered, stilling the potential runaway in his place for the time being. “You at least remember Gaius don’t you?” Arthur pleaded repeatedly in his head that he did.

Merlin shuffled his feet, hands still raised. Arthur knew he was contemplating simply blasting everyone back and taking off. “I…” he wavered a moment. “I was heading to Camelot… to- to assist a physician named Gaius, yes. My mother sent me to study under him. I was about to walk through the front gates and the next thing I knew, I’m here and you’re telling me all this nonsense!”

“No.” Arthur whispered. This was madness. So much? Merlin’s really forgotten so much? Everything they’ve been through, everything they’ve done, everything they are- were- no,  _ are _ . They could fix this, right? His Merlin was still in there, he had to be. Arthur stopped for a moment, considering a last-ditch effort, and went for it. “We,” he cleared his scratchy throat, “are heading back to Camelot now. Do you know what direction it is?” Arthur’s tone was softer than the knights ever heard, a tone he could only bring out for Merlin’s sake. The pale man scanned his surroundings finding nothing to clue him in on where he was, not even a path to follow. His Merlin who spent years wandering, fighting, hunting, and picking herbs in these forests would immediately point west. But this man wasn’t his Merlin. Still, the corner of Arthur’s lips tugged up at the familiar lost-puppy face. “You could ride with us. We have food and water to share and I give you my word, we won’t hurt you. Believe me. Please.”

Merlin studied the blond’s face with every passing word. He seemed genuine and his tone was strangely endearing. Slowly, the warlock lowered his hands and let his shoulders slide down to relax.

“Ok.”

…..

Arthur burst through the physician’s chamber door, startling Gaius as the old man turned wide eyed to his king. “Sire-?”

“No! Shh, don’t address me as such. I’m a simple citizen of Camelot, understood?” Arthur rushed and before Gaius could question his orders, Merlin crept into the room.

“Merlin, did something happen on your journey?” Gaius looked to his son-like assistant as Arthur tucked his arms in over his chest.

Merlin stared at Gaius, gazing over the man and detecting the concern in his tone. In a small voice, Merlin confirmed his own fears, “So.. what they were saying is true. We have meet before and I’ve lived in Camelot for… years…” His lips snapped shut briefly before he greeted Gaius properly. “Hello. My name is Merlin.. but you already know that. I- umm.. I guess I lost my memories. I’m sorry but I don’t remember you.” He lowered his eyes to the floor to avoid the downcast expression the two men in front of him shared. The silent tension only intensified as the moments passed so Gaius’ physician skills kicked in.

“It’s alright, my boy.” Gaius soothed with a small smile that couldn’t reach his eyes. “If you would allow, may I ask what you remember while I examine your injuries?” Merlin avoided Gaius’ guiding hand, stepping away from him with discomfort spreading across his face.

“You’re the Court Physician?” Merlin recalled as he concentrated on the old man’s movements carefully. Gaius’ face fell curiously and he eyed Arthur for a second, receiving a knowing look, then turned back to simply nod. “Why?"

Gaius’ white brows knitted together in a frown. “My apologies, Merlin, but could you elaborate on your question?”

“Why do you task yourself to aid the king and other lords? Certainly there are plenty of others throughout the kingdom that need your skill. Why position yourself at the mercy of those beasts?” Merlin sneered.

“I assist all citizens of Camelot.” Gaius protested anxiously. “Merlin, what on earth-”

“But why bother with the Pendragons!?” Merlin interjected. “They’re evil, crude, murderers who stomp on those below them, only pretending to care for their people until someone dares to question them. I was coming to you because you used to practice the ways of the old religion yet you’ve served Uther and now his son for decades. Why would you help the man who’s slaughtered hundreds of innocent people like us? Was it money? Power? Did he offer to spare your life if you bowed down as his slave or are you really just that twisted?” Merlin bites harshly, his rage rising with every stabbing question.

“No! None of those reasons, Merlin. Please, calm down and listen-”

“I will not listen! Surely there are other physicians that could suck up to those bastards for enough gold pieces. Why is it your responsibility to protect them? Why couldn’t you just let them die!?”

“Merlin!” Gaius scolded, shutting the fuming man heaving furiously. Merlin dropped his head and kept his lips sealed tight. After a period of dead silence he turned around to walk back out the chamber doors, mumbling that his injuries were shallow and nothing he needs help with. The king and his physician can only watch his back disappear from sight and Arthur finally turns to Gaius.

“I meant to come in here to warn you but I wasn’t quick enough. A trio of sorcerers ambushed us in the forest on our return to Camelot and Merlin got blasted off a cliff’s edge. He was unconscious when I reached him and seemed fine but when he woke up, he didn’t remember any of us. I thought it might be temporary until he came back to his senses but there was something very, very wrong about it. Merlin now hates any type of royalty or nobility, especially the Pendragon reign, and hardly trusts those who serve them. Gaius,” Arthur prompted, making sure to catch the attention of heavy-hearted man. “You’ve known Merlin since the day he first stepped foot in Camelot. You know this isn’t him. It has to be an enchantment of some sort and I know it must be hard for you after what just happened but I need you to find a way to break it. Please, Gaius, I’ll go on any quest, slay any monster, do anything to get our Merlin back but I need you to tell me just what it is I have to do.”

Gaius seemed to already have something in mind and he nodded to his king, turning to scavenge through several of his journals laid out on his desk then moving to slide his ladder along tall bookshelves. “Sire, are you aware of the significance of today’s date?” he asked, old eyes peering through glasses as his fingers traced the spines of books. He stopped, landing on one with a small ‘aha.’

“Yes,” Arthur unconsciously placed his palm over his tunic’s breast pocket, well guarded under the shining chainmail vest. “It’s the day I met Merlin.”

”It’s also the day Merlin first arrived in Camelot."

Arthur's eyes grew wide. "Merlin said the last thing he remembered is that he was about to walk through Camelot's gates."

"Then it is just as I thought. There is an ancient spell that can seal memories from a specific moment if the caster is aware of the exact date and time. If the spell and timing line up precisely, the victim will lose all memories from that date and so forth to the present. The caster also has the ability to amplify past memories and their emotions.”

“So the witches amplified Merlin’s past hatred for royalty?” Arthur questioned.

”I may not have known Merlin as a child but I don’t believe that boy has ever truly hated anything in his life.”

“Then why does he lash out so viciously? He’s clearly enraged at just the thought of us.” Arthur grimaced.

”Fear can also evoke anger and rejection.” Gaius hinted and Arthur gazed at the old man in realization.

“Merlin is afraid.” Arthur sighed. “Of course he was afraid. Born of magic in a land where the very practice was punishable by death. No excuses, no exceptions, no mercy. Imagine getting a child, especially Merlin, to understand that when he wasn’t even given a choice to begin with. It’s always just been a part of him. So of course he was afraid. No man could call what he feels cowardice.”

”Things have changed since then, Sire.” Gaius laid a reassuring hand on Arthur’s shoulder, sharing a small smile with the man. “You have changed them and the only way Merlin will believe that is by restoring his memories. It says here that the only way to break the curse is for the victim to witness his own reflection in a white crystal taken from the birthplace of magic.”

“Birthplace of magic? I know where that is! The Crystal Cave, hidden in the Valley of the Fallen Kings. Merlin took me there after my recovery from the Battle of Camlann to explain his magic, our destinies, everything.”  

”I advise you take Merlin there immediately. The book has no knowledge of any long term effects our boy may suffer if he remains this way for too long, only that it is permanent without the cure. I take it by your order to not address you as ‘Sire’ in front of him, he doesn’t know of your status. I suggest you keep it that way. He is a frightened soul. The discovery of traveling with a king could likely push him over the edge of anxiety, and he may very well harm you in his fear. He doesn’t know your honest intentions and he knows nothing but the evils of royalty. He mustn’t find out who you are.”

“Why do I feel as if you’ve given this advice before?” Arthur groaned at the bitter recollection of his harsh treatment toward Merlin when he revealed his magic to him. “Damn these insufferable twists of fate..” Arthur grumbled and Gaius’ lips curved ever so slightly into an amused grin.

….

The market was going about it’s usual busied ways, blacksmiths and farmers advertising their products from behind their counters. Arthur searched left and right, feeling rather idiotic as his people curtsied and bowed their heads, wishing him a good afternoon, only to give a second glance at his lost, searching appearance. It was only when a deeper, softer chuckle rose above the high pitched giggles of children that the king spotted the mop of black hair peeking just from inside the tent of an empty stand.

Arthur’s chest warmed at the sight before him: Merlin, sitting cross-legged in front of a group of clapping, enthusiastic kids, was dazzling them with floating orbs of light that magically transformed into the multitude of objects they requested. How many of their requests were of magical beings like unicorns, dragons, and fairies, filled the blond with a great sense of pride. Such creatures were scorned and hunted in the times of his father’s reign, and now magic was welcomed through all the kingdom and the beings were free to roam. There were still those seeking revenge for magic and others wanting to return to the days of Uther's rule, but harmony didn’t seem so far fetched in the brilliant smiles of these children. One small girl broke free from her entrancement to notice the snooping blond, grinning from ear to ear as she greeted the stranger. The orbs burst like bubbles in Merlin’s startled flinch, little streams of light dying out as they flittered to the ground. This of course riled the youth up more as they cheered and laughed, too amazed to notice the wide-eyed sorcerer staring up at the man.

“I need to speak with him for a moment, if you don’t mind.” Arthur smiled warmly and Merlin looked ready to protest but the children cut in with their respectful words of agreement, dusting themselves off and scurrying away with a quick thanks to the warlock.

”Alright then, what is it you want?” Merlin huffed, scowling at the blond.

“It’s not me, it’s Gaius.” Arthur quipped and waved his hands with a fast ‘Ah ah ah wait.’ before Merlin could deny whatever the favor was. “There’s a mother in the lower towns with a terrible illness. It’s not contagious but the woman will die if we don’t get her the proper medicine. A flower, found only in a cave hidden in the Valley of the Fallen Kings, can cure her but Gaius is much too old to go retrieve it and be back in time. Now, before, this was your job. You helped people, Merlin, and this woman needs you.”

”You sound like you know where the cave is, why don’t you get it yourself?”

“Because the forest can be dangerous and I need your magic to protect the both of us. Please, Merlin, if not for Gaius or even the woman, do it for the woman’s child. The boy needs his mother.” he lied, feeling all the more guilty indirectly pulling strings that would tug at Merlin's relationship with his own mother.

The bustling of the town continued as they gazed at another in the solitude of the tent. “If it’s really my job and I can help this mother.. I’ll go with you.” Merlin blew a stream of air through his lips, the responsibility edging him on. Arthur breathed a laugh, smiling brilliant and wide. The expression sent Merlin’s heart fluttering, the man breaking his gaze and casting his eyes elsewhere to avoid the rising blush.

“Let’s get started then.” Arthur threw out his arms, stopping the man from exiting their hidden location as a dumbfounded realization struck him: he’s the king. Everyone greeted him as such while he distractedly searched for Merlin. Somehow he managed to completely forget why he was lying in the first place: Merlin hates those of higher status and he can’t find out who he really is. It’s a miracle those children were too young to bother remembering his face when his people gather to hear his speeches and such.

“What’s wrong?” Merlin rose an eyebrow and Arthur drew completely blank at what to say, his mouth opening and closing thoughtfully as his mind searched for a valid explanation to why it’s a very good idea to avoid every single person and knight on their way to the stables.

“Oh, there you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you two.” Guinevere chimed as she entered the shaded stand. Arthur eyed her pleadingly, willing her not to end this journey before it even began, and she winked at him with a grin. “I was just visiting Gaius and he told me all about the flower you two are heading to retrieve. He also told me what happened, Merlin.” Gwen’s brows furrowed as her hand cupped his cheek affectionately, and Merlin let her.

“I guess I know you.” Merlin submitted to her touch, the soft yet calloused hands of a hard worker reminding him of his mother’s. It was comforting.

“I’m Guinevere. You call me Gwen and you’re sort of my best friend.” she smiled shyly. “I see you’ve met-”

”Will.” Arthur cut in, cursing himself the moment the name slipped from his lips. “I’m… Will.” he stretched his hand out to Merlin and the man accepted it with a faint smile.

“Will. I have a great friend back in Ealdor with the same name.” he beamed softly without seeing the way their smiles faltered.

”Right, well,” Gwen put on her best face. “Come along, I had Sir Lancelot prepare two horses for your journey. They’re waiting for you at the front gates now, the medicine simply cannot wait.” she and Merlin walked out into the open before Arthur could fuss, worry of being discovered eating at him from the inside.

“Where is everyone?” Arthur heard Merlin ask and he poked his head out from behind the fabric. The market was completely empty, falling silent sometime during their conversation. Not a single shepherd or knight in sight.

”Oh, the king has called everyone to the citadel for a brief speech this morning. They’re marvelous, really, would you like-”

“No, thank you. That’s quite alright.” Merlin scoffed as he started off ahead of them on the abandoned path to the front gates. Gwen smirked victoriously and Arthur gaped in amazement at the power of the maidservant.

”Remind me never to doubt your genius.” Arthur praised and Gwen laughed aloud before it died into a tight lipped smile.

“Please, save him. Bring our Merlin back.” she whispered sadly and Arthur answered her with a nod. Before he could take his next step, she quickly tugged his arm back, letting her grip soften to a light touch once she thought better of it. “And when he’s back, ask him.” Arthur's eyes widened and she rolled her own at the sight. “You’re not as sly as you think, Your Highness.” she teased. Arthur drew his lips to a flat line to hold back his grin, nodding and jogging off to the impatient man tapping his foot with his arms crossed over his chest.

…..

It was awkward. Things were never this awkward with Arthur’s Merlin, even when they first met. It’d been hours since they departed from Camelot and Merlin had yet to say a word, a heavy silence floating between them the entire ride so far. In the beginning when Arthur attempted conversation, Merlin would answer with short, one syllable responses with an obvious desire to be left unbothered. They weren’t even the witty remarks that Arthur could start a banter over. Finally, Arthur had enough.

“Alright, what exactly have I done to upset you?” Arthur prodded with a seriousness to choke his annoyance.

”I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Merlin pouted and it was so much like the Merlin Arthur knew that he couldn’t help but smile.

“Fine, well, it will be dark soon so we should make camp. We can head out at sunrise tomorrow and make it to the cave by midday.” More silence. Arthur stepped off his horse, sighing. Is this really their relationship from now on should the crystals fail to bring his Merlin back? Awkward, distant, secretive. Would he keep his identity hidden forever if it meant Merlin wouldn’t hate him and stay by his side, no matter how strained the curse has turned their bond?  _ Yes _ , his mind supplied, unabashed.

”Is it pretty?” a low mumble sounded, Arthur almost believing he imagined it.

“What?”

”The flower,” Merlin hesitated, twisting his fingers in the straps of his satchel. “Is it pretty?” His eyebrows furrowed at Arthur’s sudden burst of laughter, the blond quick to stop and apologize.

“I’m sorry, I mean no offense, it’s just- I never considered that. Yes, yes the flower is beautiful. Magical, even.”

Merlin seemed to accept his words and gave a quiet nod before continuing to fiddle with the strap, lost in the crumbling wall of self-seclusion he built since he awoken. Arthur saw his chance. “There was another flower, a long time ago, that I retrieved for a dear friend of mine. He was dying, poisoned, and the only thing that could cure him was a potion made from the same flower used to poison him. This flower, thinking of it now, I believe is beautiful, too. Tall, thin leaves, three petals, a fair yellow color, all with a long tails stretching from each. Admirable, to say the least.”

“You say this happened years ago yet you can remember the flower in such detail?”

Arthur sat back for a second, considering the fact. “Yes, I mean- I memorized the drawing of flower over and over, searing it into my brain, just to make sure I didn’t bring back the wrong one. I was so worried about dropping it or losing it I practically stared at the thing the entire trip back, not daring to let it out of my sight.”

“This person must have been very important to you.”

“They were.” Arthur smiled.

“Were? Did they..?” Merlin looked sincerely concerned.

“Oh, no, they’re alive. They got the antidote in time. They almost didn’t. My father.. He told me it was too dangerous to go then punished me after I returned. I didn’t even get to deliver the flower myself he reacted so fast. Nearly cost the man his life because he was trying to prove some ridiculous notion that my life was worth more than his. I- I’ve always hated that suggestion. I don’t want to be on some pedestal, I just wanted to be seen as an equal. The man who was dying, he was the first person to ever treat me as such. We were friends, I couldn’t lose him.”

Merlin just sat there a moment, taking in everything Arthur said. “Sorry, Will, but your father sounds like a complete arse.” That drew a surprised chuckle out of him.

“I suppose he was, most times. But he was still my father, I cared for him no matter what. He passed some time ago, and even though he could be an arse,” Arthur huffed, matching Merlin’s resigned smile, “I still miss him.”

”I never knew my father. He left my mum before I was born, she never talked about him or mentioned his name. I don’t think I’ll ever meet him and if I did, I wouldn’t know how to recognize him.” Merlin sighed, staring at the mush of grass and below his boots. Arthur knew of Balinor. He knew him as the dragonlord they sought out when Camelot was burning under dragon's fire, and he learned of his real identity as Merlin’s father when Merlin spilled his guts out confessing his magic and all his deeds in the glow of the Crystal Caves. He didn’t speak of him much. Arthur imagined it hurt him like the pain of losing his father hurt himself, so he understood.

“I’m sure he’s brave and kind, strong and selfless, if his son is anything to judge by.” Arthur said, glancing at the gentle tug of Merlin’s mouth. “Then again, that means he could also be a clumsy oaf and a total clotpole.” And there came the rest of the smile, teeth shining and all.

”How am I clumsy?” Merlin protested, smile reigning hard on his face.

“You fell off a cliff.”  _ Again _ , Arthur wanted to say, remembering the sudden silence that overtook their conversation on their mission to rescue Gwen with the help of the Dolma. Who still seems oddly familiar, now that Arthur thinks about it. He’ll leave that thought for later.

Merlin threw his head into his hands laughing. “Fine, you got me there, but a ‘clotpole’?”

“Yes.” Arthur grinned matter-of-factly, Merlin still beaming.

”Whatever you say, dollophead.” Arthur’s heart string snapped, his eye’s whirring to meet Merlin’s.

“That’s not even a real word.” he feigned casualty, baiting the memory. “Define dollophead.”

”In two words?” Arthur’s heart stammered in his chest.

“Yeah.”

Merlin opened his mouth, glimmer in his eye and witty remark ready on his tongue when he stopped, face shifting steadfast and cautious. “Did you hear that?” he whispered. Arthur stood, closing in on Merlin’s side as he canvassed their surroundings, hand ready on the hilt of his sword. The hushed forest seemed calm. Then a rustle came from a bush at the edge of their small camp. Merlin held out his hand, eyes zoned in on the exact spot of the noise. They waited, sensing their oncoming threat, and the rabbit hopped into their sight. Shoulders slumped, they let out their breath.

“Just a hare.” Arthur mocked.

Merlin flustered, pink hue coloring his cheeks as the little creature sniffed in their direction. “Sorry, guess I overreacted a bit.”

“No worries,” Arthur piped. “You just found us dinner.” he grinned, hand reaching for his sword once more when Merlin tugged it away by the bend of his arm, twisting Arthur to look his way.

”Don’t you dare!” Merlin hissed quietly as not to startle the hare. It filled Arthur with a sense of fondness seeing Merlin wearing that same expression he gives when he doesn’t want Arthur to kill a stag or a doe. He was about to say he was only kidding when Merlin added, “We brought more than enough food for the trip and you certainly don’t need any more than that.”

Arthur paused. “Are you calling me fat!” he scorned louder than he meant, scaring the rabbit away.

”Well,” Merlin smirked triumphantly, chin raised high. “That solves that. The sun is going down, I’m going to get some wood for a fire.” Arthur watched as the warlock proudly marched into the forest and shook his head, unpacking their blankets to lay out for the night. He just finishes when he heard footsteps coming back, not even a full minutes since he’s left.

“Really now,  _ Mer _ lin. It takes longer than that to collect-” he stopped, turning to see the dozen or so bandits standing before him, but mainly the one in the center holding a sword to Merlin’s throat.

”Will, just do as they say.” Merlin stressed before the leader spun around to backhand him across the face. It knocked him to his knees, iron cuffs rattling and Arthur realizes the iron was restricting his magic, or at least Merlin believed it was. Merlin’s magic grew stronger than iron cuffs a long time ago, but he can’t remember that.

“I told you to keep quiet.” the apparent leader spit. They all turned to Arthur again, and Arthur met their gazes with what he imagined was a glare worthy of his title, Son of Uther. “Don’t be a fool, boy, you’re outnumbered. Just give us all the your valuables, and you’re free to go.” Arthur remained still, stature stoic and unyielding. This only seemed to bore the bandits as the leader gave a silent command with a look, the man standing over Merlin suddenly digging the tip of the blade into his shoulder. Merlin screamed out in pain, blood soaking through his jacket, and Arthur cracked.

”Alright!” he shouted and the leader raised his hand, the man moving the crimson tipped blade away from Merlin. Two men moved forward, not bothering to ransack the saddles but opting for taking the entirety of the horses instead, leading them of both away.

“Thank you, have a good day.” the bandit smiles sickly, gesturing for his men to move out. He grabbed Merlin’s chains and yanked him onward with them but Merlin fought back, Arthur protesting, “Hey! You have our belongings now let him go!” The leader belched out a laugh, low and mocking. “These horses are close to worthless where I market, but a slave will catch a pretty price. Especially one with  _ magic _ . You know royals and their strange fetishes.” Merlin’s eyes turned large with horror, looking back and forth between Arthur and the leader, pleading for help.

”Hold on!” Arthur barked reaching for his sword when he felt the sharp pinch of a blade prodding at his side from behind.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” the stray bandit threatened.

”Wait just a moment. Don’t I know you?” the leader asked, looking hard over Arthur’s features and armored attire. “Why do I know your face?” The bandit behind him shifted a bit, hoping to get a look at Arthur’s face and identify him. Arthur saw his chance. He tore forward, dunking low, and twirled to nab the bandit’s wrist, twisting it until the sword fell out of their hand and into his. He swooped behind them, the bandit's arm held behind their back and sword to their throat.

“Release my friend,  _ now _ .” Arthur roared, eyes molten with rage and a willingness to kill.

The dead silence rang out longer than anyone could bare, the leader’s glower clashing with Arthur’s determined glare. Finally, the leader broke, seething on the spot when he rose his hand and another bandit moved forward to unlatch Merlin’s chains. “This isn’t over, boy.” he snarled before calling his men to move out, horses and bandits disappearing out of sight. Arthur kept a watchful eyes on them until the sounds of the forest returned and then he finally moved to gather Merlin and leave. Before he could take his first step, he had two arms full of Merlin and the man had his arms wrapped Arthur’s neck. Arthur felt him shaking, ragged breathing working his lungs into exhaustion. He was panicking.

”Merlin? Are you ok, how’s your shoulder? Did they do anything to you?” No answers came for a while, the trembling form trying his best to manage his speeding heart. He tried pulling away a few time, ashamed, but Arthur locked him in their embrace, patiently waiting as the panic attack subsided. “It’s alright now, you’re safe. I won’t let them take you.” he whispered into black hair, running his fingers up and down his back then threading them through his hair to gently rub his scalp. He often did this in the early mornings when he would wake first and find the pale form nuzzled into his chest. He hoped it comforted Merlin as much as the familiarity comforted him right now.

“Thank you.” he mumbled into Arthur’s shoulder once he calmed.

”It’s already dark but we can’t stay here.” Arthur said glancing the way the bandits left then to the path they were on to the cave. It would be nearly pitch black within the hour, save for the few beams of moonlight beaming through the tall trees. Even with that they could still doubtlessly walk right off the road and down a cliff without ever see it coming. They let each other go, Arthur squinting as he sought their abandoned blankets to throw over his shoulder. “We’ve got a crescent moon to light our way some but it still won’t be enough. Do you think you could create a light for us to follow down our path?”

Merlin looked unsure for a moment, fingers clenching and unclenching with his uncertainty. He inhaled and closed his eyes. Under his eyelids shone gold and a swirling globe of light appeared in his hand, another appearing in front of them, shining it’s white light. Arthur’s breath hitched. It was the same light he followed in the cave retrieving that yellow flower for Merlin. The light that saved his life. Merlin never told him that was him. Then again, Merlin was suffering a terrible fever so maybe he didn’t remember doing it in the first place.

”Did it work?” Merlin asked, opening his eyes and breaking his concentration. Both lights dispersed and Merlin let out a grunt of frustration.

“Close your eyes and keep focused.” Arthur coaxed and Merlin easily let his eyes slide shut again, doing as he was told. The lights reappeared. Arthur scanned the dirt road ahead then Merlin, orbs casting shadows beneath his sharp cheekbones. Merlin flinched feeling calloused fingers tangle their way into his free hand, but relaxed as they settled into place. Then the hand was leading him forward.

”Wait,” Merlin’s voice wavered, light flickering above.

“Don’t worry, I’ll lead the way. We won’t travel long, I just want to put some distance between us and those thieves. I won’t let go, I promise.” Arthur soothed and after a second Merlin leisurely took his first step forward, unbalanced in his blindness. He felt Arthur press closer to his side then, keeping him upright, and they both walked on into the night. They walked in a comfortable silence for the span of an hour before Arthur spotted a half-cave hidden behind a bushes and rock. They could rest there for tonight. Arthur pulled Merlin to the spot and told him it was alright to open his eyes now, darkness surrounding them the second he did.

”Well this isn’t much different for me now is it.”

“Stop complaining,  _ Mer _ lin.” Arthur chuckled. They laid within the small shelter and wrapped themselves in their blankets. Arthur had to stop himself from reaching over to drag Merlin into his chest like he usually did when they were alone on hunts. It stung his heart a bit to retract his already outstretched hand. Merlin didn’t seem to notice, curling himself into a ball just two feet away. It wasn’t much of a cave, hardly covering their heads, but it was a cool summer’s night and Arthur could see the stars. With Merlin by his side he couldn’t ask for much more. His hand subconsciously found it's way to lay over the chainmail covering his tunic's pocket. He sighed. “Goodnight, Merlin.” he whispered into the sky, a soft “Goodnight,” ringing back.

.....

The morning sun and the moppy black hair tickling his nose woke Arthur the next day. Peeking eyes opened to find Merlin had drawn in close sometime during the night, now pressed to Arthur’s chest and still curled like a sleeping cat. He smiled and watched the sleeping form, not wanting to wake him just yet. But of course that couldn’t last. Leaves and footsteps shuffled in the distance and Arthur sat up, waking Merlin as he did.

“Mm, what’s wrong, what is it?” Merlin slurred as the heel of his hand rubbed his eyes awake. Something on Arthur’s face seemed to get the message across because with one tired glance Merlin was sat up and listening, too.

“ _Found_ _you_!” a raucous voice sang out. Before they could run, bandits appeared from behind trees and over bushes, surrounding them in seconds. Arthur pushed Merlin behind him and into their small shelter, drawing his sword quick. “I thought I recognized you.” the voice bellowed merrily for all the men to hear.

“Merlin, get ready. We’re about to fight.” Arthur spoke in a rushed whisper.

”What!?” Merlin squawked. “Will, I can’t. I don’t know any spells or how to control it like that. That’s why I was going to Camelot, I- I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Merlin, it’s been over ten years. I saw what you could do last night with the orbs. Let your magic guide you, you can do this. I can’t do this without you. Never could.” The last part was mainly to himself, but Arthur turned his attention back to the bandits, the leader still babbling in his ridiculous holier-than-thou tone. “It’s a good thing I spared you after all! Here I thought you would lead us to some treasure, when you were the greater prize the entire time.” Arthur froze, white knuckles gripping the stilt.

”Merlin,  _ please _ . Something, anything.” Arthur urged.

“I’m trying!” Merlin dug his fingers against his head, focusing on the feel of his magic.

”How could I have forgotten the son of the man who ran this kingdom into the ground.” The leader began stepping forward, his men approaching with him.

”Anything?” 

“Hold on.” Merlin argued.

”The  _ reason _ all of us do what we must to survive.”

”Hurry up.” Arthur worried, circle growing far too small. 

”His royal  _ arse _ ,” the leader unsheathed his sword.

” _ Mer _ lin.” Arthur readied his own. 

” _ Once and future king _ ,” the rest of the men followed, a dozen blades flickering in the sunlight.

”MERLIN!” 

” _ ARTHU- _ ” he rose his sword.

“Got it!” Merlin cheered, eyes burning gold and palms slamming to the ground. A ring of dust swirled around them both, everyone outside of it blasting backwards, crashing into unconsciousness. Things fell to quiet groans and aches, the dust settling around them and the bandits sprawled all around.

“HA! My Gods, Will, did you see that?!” Merlin gaped, beaming at his work. “I have never felt so connected with my magic before! I- That- Do I do this all the time? Have I really learned so much control? It feels incredible. Amazing! Oh, Will, I wish you could feel-" he cut off, swinging around to find a very fond, very dazzling smile radiating from the ever glowing blond before him. It’s brightness scorched his cheeks, a rising blush burning it’s way up his neck, and he had to look away from such a brilliant display of emotion. “Sorry, Will, I-”

”Will.” A sloshy chuckle came from his right, the leader and his bruised smile facing them from the ground. “I wondered why this bloke kept calling you that. Don’t tell me he doesn’t know who he’s traveling with, Pendragon.” Arthur’s stomach leapt into his throat. He immediately moved forward to hush the man but Merlin stepped in his way, a hesitant frown tugging down his smile as he studied Arthur’s anxious expression.

”Pen-? Wait, I mean-” he stared between them as he sorted who to turn to for truth, deciding on Arthur. “Will…? What’s.. what’s he talking about? You’re  _ Will _ , tell him.”

”Yes, of course I am. I’m Will.” he echoed and for a moment a bit of the dread eased out of Merlin’s eyes. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’ll just shut him up-” 

”Ever deceitful. Just what you’d expect from the spawn of Uther.”

”Uther? Uther Pendragon?!” Merlin’s expression turned sharp, piercing Arthur with clear hurt and betrayal. “Tell me this isn’t true.” he demanded.

”Merlin, I-” Arthur choked and Merlin’s face dropped, appalled and furious.

“This whole time you were the  _ bloody _ king of Camelot? I- I trusted you!”

”Merlin, wait, I can explain-”

”Shut up!” Merlin growled, irises flaring gold for a moment. Arthur couldn’t tell if he meant to do that or not, and the thought of having to fight Merlin’s magic churned something fowl inside his gut. “Keep talking.” Merlin directed the leader.

”Heh. See, story goes that the king found out his servant boy was a sorcerer, but only spared his life so long as the boy agreed that the king had full control over his power.”

”That’s not true!” Arthur burst out. “That is  _ not _ what happened, Mer-”

”I told you, hush!” and with a flash of gold, Arthur’s lips sealed shut.

”Business got tough for people like me, what with the king forcing his new pet to attack the masses of us lingering in the forest. However, in the early hours yesterday, a scouter of mine came to me saying he saw three witches take out that same servant boy in a fight before high-tailing it out of there. Being the good businessman I am, I simply chose to take advantage of this opportune window when lo and behold, me and my men stumble upon the king and his pet themselves.” he grimaced, nodding his head to Arthur and Merlin with a wince.

“M..Me? I’m the servant boy? I’m- I’m the  _ pet _ ?”

”I can’t say myself, sadly. Eadric over there is the one who saw the fight. Eadric, tell us, is this the man you saw yesterday?”

A pained groan wheezed out from their left as a man lifted his head. “Yeah, boss, that’s the one. Thrown right off a cliff, thought he was dead.”

Sounds of harsh breathing and an impatiently tapping foot filled the air as Merlin sorted out the information in his head. He turned to Arthur, gaze fierce and he counted the list of lies on his fingers at eye level so Arthur would understand his point. “You’re not a normal man named Will, you’re _the_ _bloody_ _king, Arthur Pendragon_. Son of the man who outlawed my very _existence_ and slaughtered hundreds of innocent lives. I’m not Gaius’ assistant, or I am but I am also your servant whose magic you have used at whim for your own purposes. You didn’t find me in the forest, you were the reason I was there. I was attacked, I didn’t fall. Those knights, that maidservant, who all claimed to be my friends, what are they my handlers? Do you pay them to keep me in check? This- this whole trip is just a big sham right?” he scoffs, tears flowing freely down his face.

“You bastard- you stupid, stupid… RAHH!” Merlin slammed his fist into a tree, releasing another pulse of magic that had Arthur flying back this time, too. “Lies! Personas! False emotions! Have I not been completely honest with you this entire time? Not once when I spoke did I use trickery and deceit, so why? Why would you do this to me? What is the point of this journey because I’m guessing there isn’t actually a dying woman in need of an antidote.”

Arthur hummed pleadingly, eyes begging him to let him explain. Merlin glared. Another flash of gold freed his sealed lips. He gasped in a bit and started. “Alright,” he shouted. “You want the truth? Here. The truth is you are my best friend, Merlin. We met the day you first came to Camelot and you had no idea who I was. You were sarcastic, hot headed, teasing and everything I had never experienced before because a prince is supposed to be treated with at least some level of respect and you are a total clotpole. Even after you found out, you still didn’t change. You saved my life that day, my father made you my servant, and you’ve saved me almost everyday since in so many ways, Merlin, you have no idea. I still don’t know the whole of it. You kept your magic a secret from me and, yes, I was angry when I found out but not because I believed magic was evil. I was angry because I thought I didn’t know you anymore. I thought I lost the bravest, kindest, most wonderful man I have ever known. And I was wrong. You were still you. All of you, just the same and somehow so much more than I had taken you for. For over a decade you’ve been by my side and to lose you to those witches.. I couldn’t leave things be. I won't. They changed you. I mean, you’re still you. We still banter and joke and I can still feel a spark of what we were before they hit you with that spell.” Arthur paused, lonely twitch of the lip daring to turn upwards as his impassioned confession cooled. “But that spell,” he said, slower. “It made you afraid. Fearful of royals and knights, people like me...  _ me _ . And you’re so scared it’s turning you bitter and vengeful. You won’t even look at me.” Arthur accused dolefully, Merlin glimpsing up from the tree roots he had been dead focused on the entire speech.

Merlin could feel his heart thrashing in his chest, half of him praying for him to run away and never look back and the other half wanting to end everyone in sight with a flick of his wrist. The thought caught him off guard, a paleness settling over his face as nausea built up inside. He had never wanted to use magic like that before, never to needlessly harm others. This whole situation was a mess. He just wanted it to be over. He didn't want to listen to this nonsense. A servant boy friends with a king? Arthur seriously wanted Merlin to believe that? Oh, but those eyes. Without having to look Merlin could feel those blue, blue eyes piercing him the whole time, imploring him to trust his words. 

“The real reason we’re out here is to retrieve your memories.” Arthur continued, appearing just as certain of his words but less hopeful of their ability to persuade. “Gaius told me there was a way to break the curse so I had to try. I am sorry I lied to you but I have no, nor have I ever had, the intention to harm or betray you. I just want my friend back.” The last sentence came out breathy and small.

Merlin could feel it now, the overwhelming sense of anxiety being so close to a  _ king _ . Something felt so odd and unnatural about it before but he was too afraid to consider it. He’s petrified, body vibrating with doubt and conflicting thoughts yet stiff as stone on the outside. And he’s  _ angry _ . Fuming resentment and exasperation from the pit of his chest. It’s a burning ache in his throat, in his hands, in his eyes. Every fiber in him buzzing both ways, tearing him apart. He couldn’t just stand there anymore. “Þære!” Merlin exclaimed, gold hue of his eyes illuminating.

Arthur dunked his head, shielding himself from the intense light and whatever it meant. Buried tree roots shot up from the ground, crawling and slithering toward the surprised wails of the bandits. They desperately kicked and swatted them away, some attempting to stand and run, but the roots caught them all, coiling around their hands and legs and dragging them to be strapped to the nearest trunk. Arthur gaped at what just unfolded, jerking up as he realized no roots had come for him.

”You,” Merlin seethed, Arthur swinging around to meet his cold gaze. “You will take me to the cure. This- Whatever is causing me to feel  _ this,  _ I don’t want it. Go.” he motioned with his hands. “Ten paces ahead of me at all times.”

“I won’t hurt you-”

”And no talking.” Merlin silenced him.

“You can’t just leave us here!” One bandit cried out, the others quickly joining in with their pleas.

”You were going to sell me!” Merlin spit and the men’s eyes sunk with dying hope. He didn’t even spare them a second glance before nodding his head to signal Arthur to keep walking. As king and as someone who has journeyed this route before, Arthur knows his knights will patrol this area in just a matter of hours. But Merlin didn’t know that.

“Merlin-”

”I said _no_ _talking_.” And they didn’t for the entire walk to the cave. By then something heavy and dark set into Merlin’s eyes, seeping through his entire being and leaving him a slumped, dragging form. Perspiration shone thick on his skin, cheeks flushed paler than their usual tone.

“We’re almost there.” Arthur mumbled, risking a look back. A gasp broke from the back of his throat the moment he saw the withering man. “Merlin!” he called, instantly moving in to pillar him up, but Merlin held out one hand, the other wrapped painfully around his torso as if putting pressure on a wound. He could only manage to mouth the word ‘Stop’ before tumbling back a bit at the effort. Arthur still obeyed albeit reluctantly. “ _ Enough _ , Merlin, please, let me help.” He ignored the next attempt of a threat, catching Merlin in an embrace and crashing down with him as his legs gave out beneath them. He was freezing.

“..Hurts… Every- Everything hurts.” Merlin whimpered, clutching Arthur’s arms and squeezing. “Can’t.. can’t breath.” The strangled, short gasps tugged at his lungs. Arthur could feel the dangerously elevated heartbeat under his fingers.

”Merlin you need to calm down. The spell is surging your fear and the amount of stress it’s putting on your body is killing you.”

“I don’t care.” Merlin choked. “I don’t care, just make it stop. Make it stop, make it- I can’t take it anymore,  _ please _ . I don’t want to be afraid anymore.” Another injured cry escaped Merlin’s lips and he dug himself into Arthur’s chest to try and ease the ache. Suddenly, Merlin’s body went slack. Arthur knew this breaking point, a knight suffering a wound too great that he passes out from the pain. Arthur considered this a better option knowing the heart and lungs would steady as the body wound itself down. But it wasn’t working. Merlin’s pulse was still on the rise, labored breathing constricting tighter and tighter.

“No, no, no, no, no! Merlin! Wake up, look at me.” He demanded, patting his cheek until those glassy blue orbs opened. “Listen. The Merlin I know is not brave because he isn’t afraid. He’s brave because no matter how daunting and terrible the challenge ahead seemed, he stood by my side no matter what. He was scared, I know he was scared behind that goofy looking smile, but he came with me anyways. Every time. Even when I told him it was almost certain we would die. He fought his fear and he saved me, over and over again. I’m alive because of him, because of you. My Merlin is somewhere in there so I know you can fight and I know you can win. So  _ fight _ , Merlin.”

The jitters and cold sweat bleeding through every point of contact did nothing to calm Arthur’s nerves as he watched Merlin soak in the words. He didn’t know what else to say if Merlin wasn’t already convinced. He was dying, dying in his arms, and Arthur had no way to stop it. He faced up, letting the forming tears sink back into his eyes, and turned to stare up their path. They were almost there. He pulled one hand back, dunking it under the bend of Merlin’s knees, and eased the man up and close to his chest as he started along the path once more. The warlock’s eyes widened, head throbbing as he coiled his arms around the blond’s neck. Arthur pressed on, careful of his steps so not to jostle Merlin too much but all the more quick in his rush to save him. When they finally stood before the caves entrance, Merlin squirmed a bit in his efforts to be let down. He was still wheezing hard, sweat flowing down his cheeks, but with Arthur’s arm still wrapped around his waist they stumbled into the cave.

It was beautiful. White crystals beaming off a luminescent glow, shining blue as the sky in their reflections. It felt as if they were speaking to him in hushed whisper. Just at a glance, Merlin could glimpse the reel of images waiting to be unleashed in the mirror-like sides. He stretched toward them, ready to hear what they’re saying, but stopped.

“I-” he swallowed, facing Arthur once more. His mouth worked itself in a couple directions, seeming to try and fit the right words on his lips. Nothing came out. He huffed, small smile pulling his lips. “Thank you, Arthur.” He gazed into the crystal, an overpowering light filling the cave. Arthur squeezed his eyelids shut, the brightness still finding it’s way through. When it died he blinked once, twice, clearing his blurry vision, and again he found himself with an armful of lengthy limbs and ebony hair.

”Merlin!” Arthur cheered, sigh breaking into a relief as he held the man close. “You stupid idiot.” he laughed without the slightest hint of harshness. “Stupid, ridiculous, no good servant-”

“Excuse me, I thought I was ‘the bravest, kindest, most wonderful’ - mmph” Merlin chuckled against Arthur’s lips, pushing closer into him as he could.

”I love you, you clotpole. Don’t ever do that again.” Arthur groaned, pulling Merlin back in again.

“I know,” Merlin pressed his nose to the crook of Arthur’s neck. “I know, I love you, too. I’m sorry. Everything I said and did, I’m sorry.” They stood there for a moment, bathing in the aftermath knowing it was over now. Arthur’s fingers traced slow up and down Merlin’s back, pulling and pushing the fabric, then up into his hair.

”I almost lost you.” Arthur croaked quietly and Merlin tightened his grip, whispering more apologies in his ear. “Merlin,” Merlin hummed. “Let’s go home.”

.....

“Hurry up now.” Gwen hauled the king along.

“ _ Guinevere- _ ”

“Don’t ‘Guinevere’ me. You’ve been moping about for two days. Merlin’s curse is broken, he’s well and rested-”

“After he collapsed and I had to carry him all the way back to Camelot.”

It was true. As soon as Arthur mentioned returning home, the last of the adrenaline wore off and exhaustion swept Merlin into unconsciousness. Arthur was in an utter state of panic half the ride back before Merlin’s snoring registered in his brain.

“You mean your horse carried you both to Camelot. And he’s fine now, Arthur, he returned to his duties this morning.”

“Yes, I’m aware.” Arthur forced back a rolling his eyes, remembering the late breakfast that ended splattered across his chamber floor when Merlin tripped over himself. Arthur had a meeting to attend so he simply sighed and went ahead, leaving Merlin and a passing maid who saw the accident to clean the mess.

“Are you? Merlin told me you haven’t once looked him in the eye today and that you’ve purposely been avoiding him.”

“I’m not- I mean…” Arthur struggled, words jumbling in his head. Maybe he did pick up his own lunch down in the kitchen after the morning’s meeting and maybe he did construct his day to follow a list of duties that didn’t require his servant to be by his side. He also might have sent another servant to inform Merlin that once he finished his chores, he may leave to assist Gaius with any tasks the physician needed done.  “Dammit all.” Arthur muttered at himself.

“Oh, Arthur.” Gwen grasped his hand. “I know you think you’re no good with your words, but you need to explain things to Merlin. He thinks you haven’t forgiven him for what he did under the curse. He feels awful and doesn’t know how to make it up to you.”

“That’s not it.” Arthur denied. “I’m not upset with him, really."

“I know, Arthur.  _ I _ know. He doesn’t. Please, Sire, I’m not asking you to propose if you’re not ready but I do think you need to set things straight with him.”

Arthur exhaled through his nose. “I know, I will. Just give me until tonight and it will be all sorted out.” he promised, gently squeezing her hand with a smile.

…..

That evening Arthur pushed the front door of Gaius’ chambers open to find Merlin’s head in the leech tank, scrubber in hand and fat leaches pinned to his face. His expression was that of a startled doe and Arthur couldn’t wait another second with Merlin looking so adorable. He marched over, plucking the black worms off his cheeks and forehead, and tugged him by the hand out the door and up to his chambers. He pointedly ignored all of Merlin’s questions to watch the silent surprise cross his face when the doors opened and a small, candle-lit feast waited for them. He let Merlin stand there, gaping, as he walked over and retrieved a napkin, softly catching Merlin’s jaw while he touched the spots of blood where the leeches bit into his skin.

“A-Arthur?” Merlin stuttered, everything reeling back into his head at once.

“It was an anniversary, the day those witches hit you with the spell.” Arthur struggled for casualty, focusing on the pink blotches forming around the small bite marks.

“Yeah, umm, Gaius explained it to me when I woke up. It was the day I first came to Camelot.”

“It was also the day we met.” he mustered, still refusing to meet Merlin’s eyes.

Merlin blushed. “Yes,” he mumbled coyly. “I remember.”

“And I was going to ask you to marry me.”

Arthur watched the words punch the air from Merlin’s lungs, a glimmer shining in his eyes that wasn’t there before. 

“You- I, wait, seriously?!” His hands fell over his mouth, cheeks red and eyes watery. Those long fingers stretched across the little wounds Arthur was still dabbing at, leaving him with nothing to distract him as he continued. He gathered his courage, looking Merlin straight in the eyes.

“I worked on my speech for weeks. It was difficult not having you there to help me with my wording, you have always been better at that than me. But I did it and memorized it forwards and backwards for that day, I just needed the right moment. Then the witches cursed you, you didn’t remember me, and, well, I interwove most of my proposal into that speech explaining who you and I really are, in front of all those bandits. Which is actually rather embarrassing.” Arthur frowned, thinking back on the confession. He pushed the thought aside and cleared his throat. “So, after the curse was broken and you heard all I had to say already, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say, I still don’t. I just know I can’t let you carry on thinking I blame you for something you had no control over. There is nothing to be forgiven, Merlin, and if there were I would forgive you in a heartbeat. You know that, don’t you?” Arthur asked and Merlin nodded, sniffling under his palm as tears flowed down his knuckles. “Good,” Arthur huffed a laugh, his infamous crooked smile gracing his face. “Then Merlin,” he slid one hand into his tunic pocket while the other eased Merlin’s left hand away from his face, dropping to one knee. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Merlin choked, vision obscured with tears. “Yes, Gods yes, Arthur. Of course I will.” he laughed. The glowing blond beamed brighter, carefully slipping the ring on Merlin’s finger. “Thank you. I love you. I love you so much, thank you, Arthur.” Merlin raved, throwing his arms around the man. Arthur stood, meeting his embrace, and couldn’t help his sudden urge to spin them both around, eliciting a blissful chuckle from both their mouths. 

“And don’t worry,” Arthur started, grinning mischievously to himself. “I won’t make you wear a dress to our wedding.” Merlin pulled back, still in their embrace, and stared at Arthur through his puffy eyes. 

“What? When have I ever worn a dress?” Merlin challenged playfully.

“ _The_ _Dolma_.” 

Merlin’s face burst pink. “How did you-?”

“Really,  _ Mer _ lin, did you think I wouldn’t recognize those blue irises of yours?” Arthur teased. Watching him stumble over a sentence, Arthur halted Merlin’s attempt at a remark with a kiss. “Yet another instance where you’ve saved our lives. Will new stories ever stop arising? You’re really starting to make me think I’m an awful king with you doing everything behind my back.”

“Well, if you want to put it bluntly-”

“ _ Merlin.” _

Merlin laughed, bring Arthur in for one more kiss. “You’re a fantastic king, I promise. None of your accomplishments would have been possible without you. They weren’t all me, that I can say for sure.”

“Thank you.” Arthur grumbled, pouting lip easing into a smirk. “Alright now, let’s not have this food go to waste.” They broke apart, Arthur heading for the table to pull out his consort’s chair. 

“Arthur,” Merlin murmured, twisting the ring over his finger left and right. “I love you.”

Arthur met his smile with one of his own. “I love you, too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone. I'm scared I waited too long to write this story and I'm the only one who reads Merthur fics anymore. Anyways, this is my first Merthur fanfiction. I hope it was decent. If you think so please leave some kudos and comments, I'm a sucker for feedback. Thanks ya'll, hope you enjoyed.


End file.
